Motherhood parables: Parable of the Peanut

I was sitting outside eating peanuts (with shells) with my son yesterday. He was trying to crack them. I asked him where the seam of the peanut was and he seemed confused. so I pointed to his pants and showed him where the seam was. I asked if it would be easier to pull apart his pants in the middle of the fabric or where the seam was--where two pieces attach together. He said at the seam. So I said it was the same with the peanut.

I then went on to explain that where things are divided, that is where potential weakness lay.

I then remembered plastic cups that we can hang on our fridge. They are plastic cups, but the part that hangs is a circle--the bottom half of which is plastic, the top half of which is some type of rubber compound. The rubber on all four of our cups have broken off from a plastic,  so that now we cannot hang these cups. All of them broke in the same spot… The same weakness (which happened to be the seam where plastic met the rubber.)

Three examples: a true principle.

This is a characteristic/principle of the number two. Two can mean opposite, differences… But it can also mean connection and partnership. Think of a marriage relationship between a husband and a woman. Both are opposite and different, yet there is potential for both partnership and division.

Weakness, is not inherently bad. It helps to be aware of the principle of number two being that within partnership there is also a potential weakness for division.

I've always loved the scripture ether 12:27, which states that God gives us weaknesses and if we have faith he will make them strong for us.

Do not condemn yourself because of weaknesses. Rather seek heavenly fathers hope and truth that he gives to humble and willing seekers. He will turn weaknesses into strengths. But that can only happen if we are first aware of our weaknesses and have faith to face them...in order that we might find greater partnership, and thus greater wholeness.

Seven Habits for Kids: Leader in Me Family Focus

We like the seven Habits in our family.
I first started to enjoy them as a freshman in college after taking a time management and Foundations of LEadership course. Then I tried reading Seven Habits of Highly Effective People--and boy was that dry! So instead I read Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens...and JACKPOT--we had a winner! I really got that book and understood the power of each principle. Throughout my years I've seen the timelessness of these great principles in simply understanding how to live a balanced life and to think about others. Once these simple seven habits are ingrained in you, you can't help but notice these principles all around.

I know it's the same for "the Golden Rule" and other habits, but I like that this sequence of seven habits is actually a sequence and is so universal in it's application.

Well, they have a youth Leadership emphasis on these Seven Habits that they roll-out in elementary schools throughout the world, called The Leader in Me. And I was so excited about it that I decided we'd roll it out in our family (and hopefully co-ops we are involved in too--as a slow/monthly focus).

Here are some of the elements we used, followed by the weekly focus.

Each Habit has a story/character that goes along with it. These books may be at your local library.
(there is also a game too if you really want to get into it). (The stories are short and not super amazing, but a good jump off point for parental discussion with ideas of how to talk about it too, if you'd like.)

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Here's how our 8-week Family Focus worked out... 
We used our Monday evenings to spend 15 minutes each week on one habit. We picked two primary children's Songs to open and close the whole evening's activity with, that aligned with that week's habit.

We started the main lesson out by singing the Leader in Me Song and introducing the new weeks topic (review the last week's one). We did this by using a Big Family Habit Tree Poster we created together each week, by adding on the new habit each time.

This is what the official one looked like. But we drew our own and drew simple symbols of  Nephi's stories along with the habits so they could tie the two together.

Each week we chose a story about Nephi that emphasized that week's habit focus. Then we chose a simple activity or had them re-enact the story so they could more easily remember that story with that habit.

Use these bullet points as you explain the weekly/monthly habit focus, to point out the different aspects of the principle, as mentioned in this great sumamry list.
 Ex: Nephi was proactive when he made his own bow because he...a) took initiative, b) was responsible since he was a good hunter and people trusted his skills....so he made the bow, c)  chose to seek the Lord's help through prayer and didn't blame others, etc.

At the end of the lesson/activity we had them each fill in their own Leader in Me Mini-Book that they used each page for a habit that they'd write/cut-and-paste the habit/title on...with room to draw what they wanted about the Nephi story that went along that week. (there are 8 pages...so one could have the tree on it also. This diagram shows you how).



Then during the week we'd try to have books on hand that we knew emphasized those principles, like the two stories from the Seven Habits from Kids Story Book Series/Collections. Or other childrens' Books we knew that went along. These would be great bedtime books, and I've listed some below with each habit.
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So here's the at-a-glance version of what we did...

Week/Habit 1: Be Proactive

• Leader in Me Song (introduce this youtube video--words and actions--lyrics posted at bottom of this post)

• 7 Habit Book Series Stories: "Just the Way I Am", or "Bored, Bored, Bored"
• Other Books: The Little Engine that Could, A Fly Goes By, Horton Hears a Who, etc.
• Nephi's Story/Activity: Story of the Bow and making his own, then prayer to know where to get food (so we had them make bows and act out the story)
• Mini-Book: we cut and paste the principle icon (see above sheet) on a page and then drew something about the lesson they remembered
• Primary Song: Nephi's Courage (p.120), Faith (p.96)

Week/Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind

• Leader in Me Song
• 7 Habit Book Series Stories: "When I Grow Up" or "Goob and the Bug-collecting Kit"
• Other Books: Ant and the Grasshopper Fable, The Very Busy Spider (Eric Carle)
• Nephi's Story/Activity: Knew he had to get to the Promise land...needed a plan to get there (followed God's plan/instructions/liahona. So we drew a map and had kids try to follow the map around the house to get to the "promise land"). 
• Mini-Book: we cut and paste the principle icon (see above sheet) on a page and then drew something about the lesson they remembered
• Primary Song: I Will Follow God's Plan (p.164), I Lived in Heaven (p.4)

Week/Habit 3: Put First Things First

• Leader in Me Song
• 7 Habit Book Series Stories: "A Place for Everything" or "Pokey and the Spelling Test"
• Other Stories: The Little Red Hen
• Nephi's Story/Activity: We talked about Lehi's family having to leave the promise land and prioritizing what they needed, so they wouldnt take too much. A great activity would be to practice what to pack for camping or making 72-hr kits. OR doing the rocks in the jar activity (have them try to get everything in a jar, and then try again in the proper order: big rocks, medium rocks, sand, and then water--make sure you've done it first to make the quantity is right). Then point out after FHE when you have treats that you had to do the lesson first and the treat is the ultimate reward.
• Mini-Book: we cut and paste the principle icon (see above sheet) on a page and then drew something about the lesson they remembered
• Primary Song: Faith (p.96), Nephi's Courage (p.120)

Week/Habit 4: Think Win-Win

• Leader in Me Song
• 7 Habit Book Series Stories: "Sammy and the Pecan Pie" or "Lily Plants a Garden
• Other Stories: Have You Filled a Bucket?, Rainbow Fish
• Nephi's Story/Activity: We talked about Nephi and his brothers trying to trade their treasures for the brass plates...a win-win idea (though Laban was selfish and didnt accept that alternative). Then we played hot potato with a beanbag singing "Happy Family" (I help you and you help me...). whoever it landed on by the end of the song gets to toss the beanbag into the bucket (reminding of the fill-their bucket=fill-your-bucket book's principle)
• Mini-Book: we cut and paste the principle icon (see above sheet) on a page and then drew something about the lesson they remembered
• Primary Song: We're All Together Again (p259), Here We Are Together (p261), We Are a Happy Family--or Any Family song

Week/Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

• Leader in Me Song
• 7 Habit Book Series Stories: "Lily and the Yucky Cookies" or "Jumper and the Lost Butterfly Net"
• Other Stories: Blind Men and the Elephant, And to Think That I Thought We'd Never Be Friends, Little Miss, Big Sis., Runaway Bunny
• Nephi's Story/Activity: Ethan mentioned the opposite of this principle, so we went with it--Laman and Lemuel hitting Nephi with sticks, and the angel appearing. That wa a good chance to discuss bully behavior being not taking time to understand each other. So we also decided to re-enact some common happenings at our house, using stuffed animals, so we could stop and ask questions about how to stop and think about why meaness was happening to siblings sometimes.
• Mini-Book: we cut and paste the principle icon (see above sheet) on a page and then drew something about the lesson they remembered
• Primary Song: Kindness Begins with Me (p145), I'm Trying to Be Like Jesus (p78)

Week/Habit 6: Synergize

• Leader in Me Song
• 7 Habit Book Series Stories: "Sophie and the Perfect Poem" or " The Big Bad Badgers"
• Other Stories: Blind Men and the Elephant, Little Swimmy
• Nephi's Story/Activity: We talked about Nephi on the boat and how Laman and Lemuel tied Nephi up and the storm came and they were driven back; but, if they were to all work together and trust the Lord then that wouldn't have happened and they wouldve made their way to the Promised Land sooner.  For the activity I drew a simple black and white outline picture of our family holding hands in a circle, and cut it into puzzle pieces. The I gave everyone some and told them to make their puzzle by themselves. No one could finish their puzzle until they worked together to create the final picture. Then we taped it on construction paper and colored it all together.
• Mini-Book: we cut and paste the principle icon (see above sheet) on a page and then drew something about the lesson they remembered
• Primary Song: Here We Are Together (p261), We Are a Happy Family

Week/Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

• Leader in Me Song
• 7 Habit Book Series Stories: "Goob and His Grandpa" or "Sleepy Sophie"
• Other Stories: Snowy Day, or personal journals?
• Nephi's Story/Activity: We discussed Nephi taking time to ponder on the things his Father saw and delighting in the scriptures. We asked what everyone delighted in doing and did one of them--something we don't normally do together as a family. Nellie wanted to paint, so we did. OR you could write a family journal entry or put on some nice music and have everyone journal something.
• Mini-Book: we cut and paste the principle icon (see above sheet) on a page and then drew something about the lesson they remembered
• Primary Song: For HEalth and Strength (p21), Smiles (p267), Fun to Do (p253), Thankful to be Me (p11), 

Week 8: Review & Celebrate!!!

• Leader in Me Song

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Leader in Me Lyrics

We are the future leaders—

   That’s what they say.

But if we wait until the future—

   We’ll be too late.

So we won’t wait until tomorrow—

   Our time is now.

And with these seven habits

   We’ll show you how:

You gotta Be Proactive.

Begin with the end in mind.

Put first things first.

Think Win-win, all the time.

Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

Synergize with eachother—together is better.

You gotta Sharpen the saw…

   So I can see, the best I can be….

There’s a Leader in me--

   There’s a Leader in Me-eee.

I can lead myself,

I can lead my friends;

I can do anything!

There’s a Leader in Me.

   There’s a Leader in Me-ee.

The seven Habits help me to see—

  There’s  Leader in me,

  A Leader in me-eeeeee.

Christlike Attribute Cards

It's great to focus on helping kids learn good values...but which ones? 

Sometimes it can seem overwhelming with the list of values: hard worker, responsible, etc. But what about being gentle and kind and others? There are tons! 

So it has been a goal of mine to gather and organize "good values" into the Christlike Attributes. Preach My Gospel, the missionary manual, lists nine main attributes. Using those definitions and content as a base, and adding gratitude and prayer as attributes also, I've created some basic cards to check how I'm doing in each area.

My next goal is to break them down into Child-friendly versions. (since these are all-inclusive and would be overwhelming to kids)

Then I hope to make value cards to go along with it. I've got a lot made, but haven't finalized exactly which values to include. So I've got a few in each attribute started, to give you a glimpse.

(If anyone wants to help me finish..I need mental brain power to aid in my thinking and to edit what I've got into something more complete and finished.  See the end for the list of values to organize into the attributes)

Motherhood Parables: The Wood Floor

There are so many lessons to draw from simple daily experiences that I decided to start a mini-series called "Motherhood Parables." There are two in particular that I think about a lot. One experience is about our new wood floor.

The Parable of the Wood Floor
This is s story about two people and a common floor--and the transformation that resulted.

Take Me, Shelley: I grew up shopping at thrift stores, garage sales, dollar stores...you get the point. I loved getting a good deal! I loved having tons of variety and exploring various styles, etc. My Dad would go garage sale-ing all the time and come back with the results  of "a good deal" all the time. It's what we did and how we stayed within our budget and lived "simply."

Then there's Paul: We aren't opposites exactly, but he definitely didn't grew up the same way. I don't even think he stepped into a thrift store unless he needed a costume for an event. And he certainly didn't like the dollar store and would frequently ask me why I bought "cheap junk " from there that is just going to break.

Now saving money and finding deals is a good way to go. It's especially great for if we have kids and they are just going to trash their clothes anyway. Might as well not spend $20 on something that will only last a month or two before they ruin it. But, does buying junk get our children use to being ok treating things like junk? A question I've never pondered until we were surrounded by junk and by kids' careless habits. Were they just kids? Or was this a habit learned from my shopping tendencies? Hmm...question to ponder.

So...imagine us moving into a nice new home. It was a quick-move-in home--which means that the builders had picked out all the interior details and such. Which was nice for us, because we didn't know what we wanted, and were just fine with the espresso-colored cabinets and silver fixtures. However, after years of living in it, our tastes have started to change--to develop.

Last summer I kept staring at our junky linoleum  kitchen floor and cheapest possible carpet. So cheap you can practically see through it and all sorts of surprises get caught down in it. I never really minded before, because I thought, "We have kids, it's perfect for now." But as I stared and stared, I wondered, "Why? Why do we have these things I actually don't like?" The answer was easy--"That's just the way is came. It was what I was used to."

As I thought about that I imagined what type of floor I wanted to have. And I saw a beautiful wood floor. As I pictured it, I felt uplifted and refreshed. I felt more beauty and joy. So I posed the question to Paul. He thought and thought. Then we shopped around a little just to amuse ourselves. But we thought, "We don't need a new floor. That's silly. Let's make do with what we have."

"Let's Make Do with what we have." --That's another parable I'll expound on.

But for now, I realized that there was some reason I couldn't explain of why I needed a new wood floor that cost money and was an inconvenience to put in. We were able to use our stove for a week and also have to move the fridge and dishwasher. It was hard. But it gave up new opportunities to think about the things we do daily without thinking about it. So we went ahead with the new wood floor. For some reason it just made sense to both of us from somewhere outside our logical minds.

With no oven, I was able to spend a week thinking about how to eat without one. We used a Thermal Cooker and a portable gas stove and I learned some emergency preparedness tactics. Cool! I normally wouldn't have self-imposed that experience on myself. But this was an opportunity.

We never use the dishwasher anyway, so I thought. Wow. I like having this space empty for my step-stool and recycle bin. Let's just get rid of this. Convention says everyone has one, but we don't use it...so why have it. Now that's gone.

The fridge...it was a pain to move, but was doable and there really is nothing special about that. So on we go with the story.

We decided on an orange bamboo floor that was on sale. Paul got a few tools for laying wood floor, And after a few weeks. Voila. In was the floor. (To this day we still haven't finished the edges) But the floor is amazing. IT transformed our home. The feeling is totally different! Our kitchen linoleum and great room carpet made the area feel like two different rooms. Now the space is extremely open. The color just contrasts and complements the espresso cabinets and beige walls so perfectly balanced, with a general warmth that exudes over the whole area.

I thought to myself, "How did we go so long without this amazing piece that creates such a strong change in our home?" And the answer..."We didn't know any better. We hadn't thought of it before. We weren't used to or experienced with wood floors. It just never occurred to us--the potential."

Now I'm not saying everyone needs a wood floor. It's like a haircut. Different cuts for different face shapes and blah, blah blah. But...we finally have something that fits us, our personality, our home atmosphere we are going for. And when those all align--wow. There is true harmony.

Now, i have to tell you. I'm a horrible deep cleaner most of the time. Paul will readily admit that he deep cleans our bathrooms. I, on the other hand, would rather organize and find a home for everything in the house. I know exactly where everything is. But Paul always notices when things aren't clean. We just have different focuses. I tidy up. He cleans.

So with the new wood floor, it requires extra care. Such quality needs to be well-maintained. Paul questioned how I was going to keep it clean, since I struggled keeping the linoleum clean. And the answer has been it isn't a problem. Why? I love my floor. I appreciate and value it so much--it brings me joy--that I can't help but want to take care of it and clean it. I realize the importance of not letting water sit on it too long or it will ruin it. So I take care of it. I have tools to take care of it, so it is easy for me. And we established rules for the kids so they too understand the importance of being gentle and careful with it.

The result?
Well, the transition was hard at first, for the kids. And we got some scratches from kids not thinking or not understanding the effect of certain toys being dragged accross, etc. But overall now, the kids get it. Ethan has to clean up his floor messes right away. We put felt pads under some furniture that could scratch. I sweep at least once a day--but I was doing that already. And the list goes on.

My Lesson: by having quality that fit our needs, desires and feel of our home. And by establishing rules and a foundation of appreciation and understanding the floor and reasons why we treated the floor well. We set expectations that our children rose up to. They aren't as reckless and have more awareness. They understand what good quality is. They appreciate nature and know where wood comes from and how certain things do and don't work with wood--so they better appreciate nature. And I understand better why I never liked cleaning--I didn't value the result or the materials. It was a task to do, instead of the results to be pleased with. I realize I have transformed. I love quality when it matters and am ok spending a little extra (though still on sale) if it will benefit and transform me and my family or our house to better reach our ideal and potential.

There are many other lessons and things I could go on about, but this is running much longer than expected. So if you read this whole thing. Give yourself a pat on the back. You made it through.
And hopefully there is something helpful for you in this.

 Life is about learning and transforming and getting better acquainted with our true potential. What is your true potential. How are you transforming? What new experiences and opportunities surround you?

14 Consumerism Habits

I was going to write a post about a Disposable Society...but I found these interesting facts about our Society's current consumerism trends....

Did You Know...?

1. There are 300,000 items in the average American home (LA Times).

2. The average size of the American home has nearly tripled in size over the past 50 years (NPR).

3. 1 out of every 10 Americans rent offsite storage—the fastest growing segment of the commercial real estate industry over the past four decades. (New York Times Magazine).

4. 25% of people with two-car garages don’t have room to park cars inside them and 32% only have room for one vehicle. (U.S. Department of Energy).

5. The average 10-year-old owns 238 toys but plays with just 12 daily (The Telegraph).

6. 3.1% of the world’s children live in America, but they own 40% of the toys consumed globally (UCLA).

7. The average American woman owns 30 outfits—one for every day of the month. In 1930, that figure was nine (Forbes).

8. The average American family spends $1,700 on clothes annually (Forbes).

9. The average American throws away 65 pounds of clothing per year (Huffington Post).

10. Some reports indicate we consume twice as many material goods today as we did 50 years ago (The Story of Stuff).

11. Americans spend more on shoes, jewelry, and watches ($100 billion) than on higher education (Psychology Today).

12. Shopping malls outnumber high schools. And 93% of teenage girls rank shopping as their favorite pastime (Affluenza).

13. Over the course of our lifetime, we will spend a total of 3,680 hours or 153 days searching for misplaced items.The research found we lose up to nine items every day—or 198,743 in a lifetime. Phones, keys, sunglasses, and paperwork top the list (The Daily Mail).

14. The $8 billion home organization industry has more than doubled in size since the early 2000’s—growing at a staggering rate of 10% each year (Uppercase).

So, that said...

Which of these above mentioned facts can you work on so you and your family aren't just another contributor to these statistics?

*These facts taken from www.becomingminimalist.com

The Path of Pure Intent

During my homeschool journey I have come to understand that the nature of travelling this path will include a lot of unknowns, course corrections and perhaps even u-turns. I think this journey of figuring things out is as much for my learning how to teach and follow inspiration as much as it is for my kids education. Afterall, life education is really about gaining the experience we need in this life as we progress to become more Christlike--which ultimately is acting with a pure heart. Charity is everything and without it we are nothing (like empty buckets with nothing to give).

"Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail

 But ^acharity is the pure ^blove of Christ, and it endureth ^cforever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, ^apray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true ^bfollowers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall ^cbe like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be^dpurified even as he is pure.  (Moroni 7:46-48)

I don't know about you, but I can't afford to have my bucket empty. So, am I taking time to fill my bucket?

I love the "Have You Filled A Bucket?" Book. 
Emily mentioned this book to me awhile back and since reading it with my kids they have come to understand that we are accountable for our actions and their effects on people. Do we help fill and build others, or are we dipping from their resevoir and breaking down? 

It is important to teach our kids the effect of their actions so they can better act with pure intent to bring about positive results from their actions. 
When we act with pure desires our hearts are light, peaceful and happy. We are positive and find strength beyond our own. When we are negative or harsh in our words and our feelings I believe that we would do well to search our hearts' motivations.

Here's an example: Nellie (2 years old) keeps coming out of bed when I've asked her to stay in (she knows how to stay). Do I yell and threaten? If so, is my motive one of love and trying to understand her real needs that she may not know how to express yet? (This is a real example I face almost nightly, so I recognize I am guilty of this, but am trying to work on it.) Here are some of the things going on in my head during this trial for me:

• it's past your bed time (time)
• you should be dog tired (logic)
• I want to do my own thing now after spending all day with you (selfish)
• your brother is already asleep. Why can't you be too? (comparison)
• please just do it. It's not hard to fall asleep (convenience)
• husband, come deal with this child. I'm tired (exhaustion--totally understandable moms!)

I'm sure there are many more. And these are so relate-able and understandable. But I know that as a Mom I need to keep these things in my mind, but not let stress rule my heart and actions. 

If I take a minute for introspection to explore what I am thinking (and dig down to find the greatest motive of all--charity) then I can more properly place all these other thoughts and stresses. And that's exactly what all these competing thoughts are: stress. 

If our minds are cluttered with various reasons and excuses then it's harder to act from pure motives.  

Nephi reflected: “And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?” (2 Nephi 4:27).

He battles with some internal voices pressuring him to do one thing or another. But he had to take time for his thoughts and feelings, with a desire to get through them and find the purest motive/choice and then have faith to more properly place those voices and thoughts. 

I find that as I acknowledge my stresses (tiredness, my desire to do my own thing, the late time that is ticking away, etc); but, then say "I choose to try to understand my child first" and let go of the other stressors, that my heart opens more fully and time slows down (as well as my pulse, breathing and volume! haha). 

I need to do this more. This is using the atonement. Letting go of our incessant need to control everything. 

"Be Still and Know that I am God." (D&C 101:16)

We are not here to control things. We are here to learn how to live with peace in our hearts and minds--in harmony with the things by which we are surrounding (including our family, friends, schedules, etc.). As we learn to introspect each time we don't feel peace, we will better understand how to make "course adjustments" and better find our pure motives that result in peace and joyful living.

I hope I can remember this lesson: to fill buckets with goodness and kind words; and that when I don't feel that way I will acknowledge my feelings and work through them by laying them down at the Saviors feet and praying for more pure motives of love and a desire to understand (as opposed to shutting those feelings off and feeling like I'm a bad mom who yells at my kids). 

(And afterall...isn't this why Sacrament is the most important part of the week? A renewal of motive and pure desires?)

The Gift of Today: Being Present

I read a blog post the other day from a mom who said she'd try to "be present" with his child each day for fifteen minutes. I like this and think it is valuable to do daily. Now, the "15 minutes" makes sense to me as a good amount of time to practice each day, but the amount of time doesn't have to be that. It is the idea of "a little each day" that seems a great place to start.

The Power of 15 (minutes).

So let's talk about this....

What does it mean to be present? 

I think of when I talk to my four year old and tell him to listen to me while I'm talking to him. I say to  listen with your whole self: eyes looking, ears open, mouth closed, body still, brain focused. So...being present to me, is real, true listening--observation and attention with all your senses and internal workings of heart and mind.

How are we doing as adults?
Are we teaching our kids to listen well, when we haven't learned to do the same?
Are we being present with them?

Granted...we have tons of things vying for our time and attention. But have we tried to prioritize our life, errands, busy-ness and tasks so we can place focus on what matters most? I know I'm constantly guilty of this. And this is why I am writing this post! Hopefully it will clarify for me more ways to focus on my kids. Because this is life! Learning and relearn to focus and simplify and do what matters most. And I can't do it alone. I need help. Do you?

I like this idea of fifteen minutes a day, but I would like to extend that thought into other areas of our life...specifically with relationships and priorities.

What are our priorities?
Or should I say "who" are our priorities? 

Knowing this can help us understand where we need to be present most.
Here's what came to mind this morning as I contemplated this concept of "fifteen minutes."

15 minutes with...

• God I like to wake up before my kids wake up. This is the ideal. It doesn't always happen. But, when it does....wow! My day goes so much better. My brain actually can do math. My temper doesn't flare at kids not obeying before three strikes..... Not every season for me is this possible (like when I have a baby and am tired all the time, just trying to keep up. Gosh...that seems to be a whole year. hehe). But, when I have that desire and joy, and don't approach it guiltily as a dread-laden task, then my day is infused with purpose and direction. I even bought a pretty study journal that I wrote various things I wanted to study about in the front. When I'm feeling go-getter, I pick a topic i want to study and delve into the scriptures (but I haven't felt that way wince I had my baby a few months ago, so I currently am just going through a cheap copy of the BOM with colors for a specific theme I'm trying to discover.) Sometimes I'll just watch a Mormon Message or read/watch a General Conference Talk. I bought a beautiful wooden box carved with the SLC temple on it and I keep the current cheap copy in it as a reminder to take time each day.

• Self  I love doing "awareness yoga" first thing in the morning when I wake up (either before or after my scripture reading). This is a fancy made up name for laying down and doing whatever stretches and thinking I want. Talk about stress-free and low-expectations. Who wouldn't want that kind of workout? I do this so I can wake up, become aware of all the little muscles and feelings I have inside myself, and to start warming up my brain to have thoughts about my day and the direction I may want to take. All of this is part of it, but I don't have an outline for things I have to think about or not. I just let stuff start to flow in as I become aware of body, mind and spirit. There are two other times I take with myself too (which, come to think of it may make me seem a little selfish, with this getting three times the 15 minutes. hehe): During quiet time my kids take their nap or do reading (12-2) and I get "me time" to do something fun (which generally is something nerdy and involves reading, writing or researching). At night I like to journal a few thoughts to explore my feelings and unwind them. I don't always do this, but keep my journal by my bed in case I can (and to give my poor husband a break from my incessant chatter exploding from all the stuff going on through my brain!)

• Spouse Speaking of hubby. We like to get the kids for bed, do our own things, and then connect at 9pm as we start to unwind and get ready for bed. Monday's this is folding landry I threw on the bed. Hehe. Sunday might be our planning session to go over our week so we are on the same page. Friday or Saturday this would be a date or movie or something. In winter it may be a "tea time" to just have an infusion and bite and chat (like Captain Picard on Star Trek). Other times it may be being together, but me writing in my journal and him reading something, or reading a book together. Or a little footrub, etc. The possibilities are endless, but the time frame is a constant. (Again, this is all ideal. Life happens and kids are NOT always angels and sometimes are still talking to themselves and banging on walls with their feet because they are still hungry two hours later, when they should be asleep already! ugh. But...setting it up is the first battle and then dealing with occasional disturbances is the second. One battle at a time, I say.)

• Child This is the most easy sometimes. We are surrounded by our kids. We have to spend time with them (even more so when homeschooling). We have daily quiet time (12-2, unless life happens at times, which is fine if it's 25%, rather than 99%). I use that time to take one-on-one time to read with Ethan from 12-12:30. This calms him down and gives me that "one" time. My husband gets it in at night for storytime, where he can actually talk to Ethan about his day too. During that time I get my one-on one time in with my 2 year old as I read to her then. And my baby gets it in while I nurse...as I have learned to stop using my ipad during that time and be aware of her more fully.

• Family Taking time to be all together as a family is great too. This is dinner time for us. Or on weekends having a longer time: a family date or outing, or a Sunday night "Classical Hour" to read a classic together, or Monday Family Home Evening to learn and play together around a religious theme.

• Nature I sometimes can kill two birds with one stone (though that metaphor might not be the most approriate for this bullet point. Oh, pun intended). For example, if I go out in nature and commune with God, or take that time to journal or draw, for myself. Regardless, I've found that, like good ole Jason Mraz sings...getting back to Earth and putting our hands in the dirt and feet on the ground is very "grounding." Did you know that there have been studies done about the literalness of being barefoot? If you were to go for a run and then come back and take a scan of your knee, there would be red and orange thermal imaging colors around the knee. But, if you were to then go barefoot for 15 minutes after that, the thermal colors would shift from warm to cool colors, showing a decrease in the physical tension and temperature. Wow. Serious. IT's also good if you feel affected by EMF stuff (like telephone wires and electricity from cell phones and such...which really can interfere with our own body's energy). Ok, I'll stop here. But go for a walk or something. :) 

The end. For now.

Distraction: A Parent's Best Friend?

Distraction. A Good thing?

For many of us that like to attempt multi-tasking everything and running around trying to do too much, distraction may not be a good thing. We need to prioritize and know what is most important so we can stay on track doing what matters most and not trying to keep up with everything someone else thinks we should be doing.

And yet, I stick with my title of this post. Why?

My husband actually mentioned this tonight while struggling to feed our kids. And I thought..."that's my next post." So let's look at "distraction" from another perspective....

• Dilemna: My two-year old child is trying to climb up the hutch in the kitchen because she sees her big brother on top (put there by Dad for fun---that's another story). Little girl can't get up: throwing tantrum. (I'm thinking: "Not safe...no way are you getting up there girl! Not going to happen.)
• Distraction: "Nellie want to wrestle/dance with Dad?" --Boom! and she's off to the living room, delighted with a new quest she can conquer!

• Dilemna: My four year old will not eat his dinner and he's too tired to focus on eating (don't even get me started...bane of my existence!). (I'm thinking: "You will eat what I made you. Dang it. It's not moldy. Won't make you sick. So please...just eat it! Now.")
• Distraction: "You're growing dragon scales! Woah!" Those peas must be making you turn into a dragon! Crazy!" *giggles from said four year old. Followed by serious pea-popping and more giggles. "Am I growing wings?"*

These are the moments we face daily: Struggles and discipline? Or trips of fantasy and adventure into a world of your/their own creation? Excitement, enthusiasm and joy fill their little minds....

So, I admit, I feel extremely left-brained at times; but I have to say that homeschooling is sure good at making me step out of my left-brained world and more fully accept a creative and fun approach to life and learning with my kids. I still yell and get annoyed more than I should at kids' imperfections, but I'm getting better at understanding their limits (mentally especially). Kids need things simple and direct, without baggage and blame. They need rules, but not guilt. They feel consequences...without too much explanation. We as moms are guides: placing good examples in their path and helping them see true principles and feel the beauty and meaning of them in their own time and way. The children will draw their own conclusions when they are ready.

So, one thing to help provide our kids with distractions is awareness: What does your child love? What do they need? How do they feel? Do they feel loved? (Are we paying attention to our kids on a deeper level? Are we holding them and telling them we love them? Do they feel they are special and know their real worth?)

Love and gratitude are the two most important things in the world (if you haven't heard of the rice experiement, try it out. Love and gratitude are powerful words/feelings). I view them as being first, that which is given/received; followed by second, the mirroring of that which was given/received. So combined, love and gratitude come full-circle into a complete fullness of feeling. If we are without one, most likely we aren't experiencing either to the full extent possible.

That said; one thing I detest is whining. Can't stand it. Will not tolerate it in my house. And Ethan knows it. Drives me up the wall! I'm serious. I don't know why my whine-tolerance levels are completely whack; but I hate, hate, hate whining with a passion (can you tell?).

So, Ethan knows that whining will not get him anything but an angry mom. And this angry mom yells when pushed to "strike three." (which I'm working on) He also knows that whining is not being grateful. And being grateful is a huge focus at our house! (I'm still meaning to make a wall-hanging on wood that says something about love and gratitude...but my crafty-intelligence hasn't completely caught up with that thought yet. Alas.)

I try to teach principles, and then discipline according to such rules; but sometimes kids just need distraction if they aren't "getting it." So when we come across whining in our day and principles/logic just aren't working, I will use distraction/creativity....

• Dilemna: "I want juice!" (I'm thinking: "No you can't drink sugar junk all day, you already hyper monster!"
• Distraction: "This magic bottle is a laughing potion. It starts with a smile and gets bigger and bigger until..." *then giggles start and we sit and eat lunch together talking about potions and Elsa in Frozen or something (everything goes back to that movie right now)."

So, why am I rambling about this? Well, it has been very handy for my own kids and also helped me be more patient with others' kids who may be low on the gratitude spectrum. And it's sure better for me too, when I'm trying to figure out how best to cope with annoying and imperfect little behaviors. Afterall, I am a mom of soon-to-be three. So I better learn coping mechanisms for my own sanity. And I think an adventure-beyond-reality is a good way to go for the kid in all of us. I need to laugh things off (like a pressure cooker with a release valve. Don't let it stick too tight--in reality and explanations--but let a little imagination keep the valve a-bouncin'. Then pressure and stress can dissipate).

(btw....I write all these posts because I need them for myself. So if anyone is getting value from them--fabulous!. If not...I don't really care, because they really are for me anyway. :) So don't judge me too harshly for them. They are mine. And I'm just a mom trying to get my thoughts and feelings out for my own sanity. And lucky you (or unlucky) are privy to the intricate workings of my mind.

Celebrating Motherhood: My Blessing Way

Have you ever heard of a Blessing  Way? It's like a baby shower, but instead of just celebrating baby and getting baby gift stuff, this is more a celebration of motherhood and has a feel of traditions and respect. Apparently it has Native American roots and many other cultures and traditions mixed in. (who could resist a fun new experience merging lots of cultures...Not me!)

I'd heard about it from my friend Rachel, so I asked her to throw me a little one with a few close friends that like holistic and interesting new experiences. :) And it was so fun! I highly suggest it if you like that stuff.

I think that it's so easy to get caught up in preparations for baby and craziness, that it takes extra effort to remember that mom is important and the birthing experience is about the journey and feeling...not just the outcome.

So here's what we did....

We had candles lit and nice music playing and when we got there (I did it with another friend who's  due a month after me) Rachel put a laurel wreath on our heads with flowers. We chatted and ate healthier version treats and wassail. Everyone had found a favorite quote, saying, poem (Emily wrote a beautiful one I'll post at the end of this) about motherhood to share in their turn and express what motherhood means to each of us. Then I played a "tribute" on my native american flute (i just got at the farmer's market a month or so ago--which I love and feel like a little flute player, though not amazing at it yet).

After that we picked a rock from the basket and wrote something on it to remind us of motherhood that we can place in our room after baby comes. I wrote "beautiful" and "honor" on mine, to remember to 1. find the beauty in each moment of this pregnancy and birth and to 2. honor the experience of giving birth and becoming a mother once again to a new little soul. :)

Then we did henna painting and such (on the belly or wrist or ankle)...just for fun. And continued chatting forever. In fact, we talked about placentas and how they are loaded with all the mother's nutritional needs to baby and how people encapsulate them so they can take the capsules to better re-adjust to life and a normal body after baby.

Totally look like a Hippie, huh?!
BTW, did I mention I love my hand-carved flute?

Did you know many animal mothers actually eat their placenta after giving birth?
And that the placenta is actually kind of part of the endocrine system--loaded with beneficial hormones to help regulate your body (not to mention all the vitamins and minerals)?

Yeah...so, having your placenta in a usable form is great for moms who feel they need that. I always thought it sounded gross, but just recently feel that it would be so helpful for my body.
Particularly those who are anemic, or who feel depleted in hormones (deal with post-partum stress). And you can also get a tincture of your placenta so you can just use the drops (they last forever). Other people just bury their placenta in their yard near a tree or something to help provide boosted nutrients to the soils and plants. (That's awesome, but I'd rather have them back in me...since I know I was totally depleted after Rynelle and imagine this one will take even more from my totally iron-deficient body).

So...at the end we each took a candle home to light when us pregnant mam's are in labor. But it was just a great little girl's night with close friends. And who doesn't love that.

Anyway, this all may sound a little hippy-ish, no doubt, but I loved it. And I feel it's especially great now that I'm on my third child and don't want to feel like giving birth is "just another typical experience". I wanted it to feel like a new experience all over again. And it did. And it was and is special. Life is special and motherhood is too.

What a blessing: My Blessing Way.
Thank You Rachel.


----------Emily Erickson's Poem---------------
For the Mother to be...
Nine months in waiting, eternity more,
breath finally washes this new life ashore.
From wrapped in my womb, to wrapped in my arms.
Stronger than pulses my love ever warms.
Seen cords that bound us are soon to become 
the unseen affections this new life has won.
Moment of life waking awe steals my breath,
and gives it for you past the days of my death.
May you breathe well with me day after day,
and learn with me, meekly, the life-living way.
Thank you for living, for breathing this gift.
I'll treasure it always, long after I've lived.

Words, Words, Words

Here are some random thoughts I had this morning...

Words. 

Helpful? Sure.
Needed? Not always.
Overkill? Could be.

Even as I write this I think of the irony of me having to use words to express both my love and frustration with them. If I were cooler I'd put together some awesome visual video without words that could express what I'm trying to get at in this post. But...I'm not THAT awesome. So this post will have to suffice.

In college I was looking for a major, and since there wasn't architecture at the school, I decided to look into a few other fields. First, communications. Advertising and Design seemed somewhat appealing, but when I stopped into the main office I was posed with question: "so you like to write?" My immediate reaction was "No, I hate writing!" And that was the extent of my exploration into the field of communications: so I did business (because I like to organize and somehow thought that fit).

Little did I know I love business writing (which I hadn't taken yet). But more than that, I love the power of getting a clear and simple message to an audience in a well-thought, holistic way. This is the essence of Advertising and Design. I wish I would've talked to someone else that day I stepped into the Communications Department office. But alas...now I get to write about it.

So..what messages are we sending by our Words and the words with which we surround our children; Or on a broader level, the information we receive and place upon our children?

• Is it time-appropriate
• Is it level appropriate
• It is overwhelming and outside their need to know

Experience/Feel First; Speak Second if necessary

Ethan frequently asks "why" about things and I have to remind myself that he doesn't always need an exact or logical answer. In fact, sometimes the more logic we cram into and at our kids, the more it stifles them and the free expression of their personalities or imaginations.

For example, I've learned that when Ethan is building or drawing and tells me to look, that it isn't an invitation to take over and make his tower taller or to praise him on every awesome thing about it. But more importantly is my attention--not words. So I say simply, "wow" or "look at those colors." Something objective and not making him feel less than he is or over-inflating him unessearily to where he expects grand compliments. I just state a simple observation with love and attention. Then he's off to continue playing. The same is true when we read books. BEfore he's seven, he doesn't need me to ask him "what happened" and "what's the moral of the story" and what was your favorite part" all the time. I have found out that kids need experience without judgment and without feeling like they have to have a favorite part or have to know exactly what is happening. I have to let my child be a child. Then, once they get older, or more familiar with a thing, then I can start to help them pick it apart, or ask questions to help them unfold why they like it or how it makes them feel, etc. Analyzing and judging too early leads to missing the experience. Our kids need exposure and experience without words so they can first feel how things are, before they think about it.

Lately Ethan and I have been enjoying wordless books. Looking back at my life I realize that I wasn't a great reader (well, I already knew that...although you'd never guess it now), but I realize that three of my favorite books were Full Moon Soup, The Laugh Book,  and The Eleventh Hour. Until this very moment I never put all three together in the same category.
  

One is silly and doesn't seem at all educational, but is simply a kinda weird cartoon hotel scene that progresses in time with each page turn. And I loved looking for differences and progression of a story with each flip of the page. There was so much going on and I felt an endless explorer in a simple, yet chaotic experience.

Another is full of jokes, riddles, tongue twisters, math puzzles and brain bogglers...etc. This kept me endlessly busy in a variety of fun ways that used my mind and made me both laugh and feel smart (or at least empowered to think about things from different perspectives).

The last is a short, simple story with beautiful and entertaining pictures. But within the story are hidden secrets on every page. There are clues in each picture and hidden codes using patterns and math to figure out clues along the way of solving the ultimate mystery behind the story of who stole the food. This book I returned to again and again to find new clues.


Words with Purpose
What do all these books have in common?
Well, minimal words for one (in some cases none). With each book, if there are words, they generally have a purpose: giving directions for a puzzle, or a sequence to tangle the tongue and bring a smile, or for telling a story simply.

Side note: I use to have the mentality that I needed to fill my kids' heads with books and words. I would gather tons from garage sales and people who were getting rid of them. And we go to the library weekly and devour 10-20 books at a time. But, I remembered reading in a book Simplicity Parenting that, as with toys and any other over-abundance, we need to understand the principle behind why we do/have the things we do/have. And that books and toys can be a great tool to learn how to foster deep and meaningful relationships, as well as to learn and explore "information."

In a society as fast-paced and frenzied as ours, are we encouraging running around and frantic learning, as opposed to cultivating a strong and stable foundation of good principles? Without a strong foundation based in truth and goodness, how can we distinguish the beauty and relevant information from the garbage?

I never would've thought there were so many garbage books that really are either poorly written or not well thought out or just plain not helpful in real educational development, if I hadn't been gathering and exploring all the books I have been. But I admit...I'm less and less enchanted with a majority of books I find now. We should treat books like friends...open to everyone initially, but discerning in which we let into our closest circles to stay. And I think it was Ralph Waldo Emerson who said if a book is worth reading again, then it's worth owning. Either he had lots of books, or a high standard of what really contributed to his library.

I could go on about other compelling reasons to stick to good books and why classics and such are so powerful, but I wont.

Balance: Variety & Depth

Another note about those three childhood books I loved is variety vs. depth of both words and experience. There is value in relearning the same things over and over until you get it down so well it becomes inherent....a part of you. The Laugh Book was meant for variety and exposure, while Full Moon Soup was meant for following a process--analyzing and re-analyzing. Then the Eleventh Hour was meant for learning and following in a variety of ways, but through continual expsoure and deeper and deeper learning, analyzing and understanding of the plot, pictures, words and patterns throughout the entire book. This is a holistic approach. (I love books that are interactive or require/use more than just words.)

See my post for examples of good books.

--------

Simplified Words: Simplified Behavior
I find the more I talk at my kid, the more I overwhelm them and they shut down. I'm sure you've experienced this at some time or another on one or both ends. But really...a four year old doesn't need to know the inner-workings of my mind and play of emotions. In fact, sometimes I'm sure I don't even want to know everything I'm thinking and feeling.

When talking to kids it's important to simplify and tailor to their needs, age-level and emotional readiness. When my son is throwing a tantrum or whining, I just leave or put him in his room with some soft music on and I tell him to come out when he is calm and ready to talk. No words will help a tantrum in the moment.

Once he is calm he or I find one another and we have "talk time" to turn the experience into a learning moment. We hold hands and ask the question "how do you feel?" We compare how he felt mid-tantrum to how he feels now that he's calm...and then he becomes aware of what happened and how to better approach the situation next time. Talk time is vital. (But so are calming sessions. In fact, I frequently tell Ethan I need a time-out for a few minutes and just leave if I need to. If I don't, I end up lecturing a four-year to the point he actually starts telling me to "stop talking"--which is helpful to realize when I'm talking at him, vs. to him). Kids don't need words half the time.

So...
When do you talk too much or over-explain things?
What do you do in your daily life that doesn't need words? 

I think about how grateful my little 2 year is, versus Ethan. He's fine, but I have to remind him: "Are you grateful?" to get him to say "thank you." But my two year old says thankyou whenever anyone gives her anything. The difference? With her I taught her the principle behind "thank you:" Love and caring. And how? Every time I gave her something I'd blow her a kiss. And everytime she gave me something I'd also blow her a kiss. Now she knows that giving and recieving are acts of love...not just words. I'm still working on clarifying that with Ethan, but it's harder now, since I started with him by words, "say thank you."

Are we teaching our children empty words? OR are we teaching principles behind our words?
What about our approach to education? Are we just throwing our kids into a system or curriculum that takes responsibility away from us, to ease our burden? I'm not talking in vs. out of the public education system. I'm talking about when we are with our children in either circumstance. Do we take opportunities to teach our children the principles behind why they should or shouldn't do things, or are we just using force and compulsion to get things done.

The key is discernment. I frequently think of Mary in the New Testament, after the angel Gabriel came to her. The scriptures say she "kept all these things and pondered them in her heart." I imagine she wasn't a mother full of words and blame. Did she have and feel them? Most likely to some extent. But, she understood her purpose and the need to be in a place where she could have the spirit and direction to raise her son to his royal heritage. So with that fervor in her heart, she gave him guides he needed to progress at his level and at the right timing. I imagine she didn't overwhelm him with all the details of his future, but rather the beauty of that future and guidance to how his choices either brought his closer to that or took him further away from it.

Now my words feel they are getting long-winded. So I will stop soon. But, here is some food for thought...

• What is the effect of your words on your kids? (which situations are better than others?)
• Do we blame and guilt-trip our kids or even our spouse? (If so, we are not taking responsibility for our words and we are not acknowledging the true principles to work towards: love, peace, joy and the spirit.
• Do you stick to objective statements, free from blame and judgment?
• Do you simply, calmly and openly express how you feel (happy or sad)...with which you can reason together to figure out why as needed? (If  not...story time at night is when I make my confessions to Ethan that I'm imperfect and need his help to not yell and such. And I do ask for his help and he in return tells me what he will do to help me (not get three strikes, etc.). 
• Are you helping our children understand the spirit and discern good from bad--true from false? 
• Are you helping them realize all things either take us closer to become who you are truly meant to become--closer to God--or further away from our true selves? 
• Are you open when you fall short and acknowledge you are imperfect and need to try and be better? 

So even if we have blame-sessions and yelling, we don't have to be mad at ourselves. We can correct the bad behavior together and use it as a tool to deepen our relationship together and as a director to point us more fully towards repentance and reliance on the Savior. (and isn't that what life is about anyway....shouldn't this be a large part of real education for our children? Building good character and actively using the atonement?) 

I'll bet, stripped of all our educational systems, homeschool curriculums,  to-do and chore lists, etc., God would be most pleased with us as parents if we were directing our Children towards him by helping them rise to their greatest Divine character and potential. And that is only possible through clearly using and identifying the atonement (change for better) daily in our lives--together as a family. And we can start to improve that process by paying attention to our words.

As moms, we must set the example and keep the deeper details--overabundance of words/information--in our heart. (This is best done by turning over our need for control--and our thoughts/motivations--over to God and asking Him to help us discern what matters most and what timing is appropriate. This is our quest as moms and a great way to access His atonement and spirit daily in our lives.)